MEMORANDUM
TO: Matt
FROM: The System
CC: The House; The Ring (do not reply-all)
RE: Q1 Results
Matt,
Please find below a summary of your performance this quarter.
Week 1 — W, vs. the System.
Week 2 — W, vs. Kyle.
Week 3 — W, vs. Blake.
Week 4 — W, vs. Kelsey, by 0.4.
Week 5 — W, vs. your mother.
144.0 to 131.8. Her passive fired: +10, automatically, because you are her son and the Dungeon knows it. You beat it by 12.2 anyway. The System has reviewed the footage from Sunday night. Nobody said much. She handed you a Tupperware container on the way out. It was not the good one.
Coin flips declared, Weeks 1–5: 0.
System Notice ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: QUARTERLY RESULTS. RECORD: 5-0. UNBEATEN CRAWLERS REMAINING: 1. COIN FLIPS DECLARED: 0. THE RING HAS BEEN MOVED TO A DRAWER.
COMPENSATION. In recognition of the streak, the System is issuing your unique item, effective immediately.
System Notice UNIQUE ITEM AWARDED: THE CORPORATE MEMO. EFFECT: TWICE PER SEASON, CHALLENGE ANY LOOT USED AGAINST YOU. COIN FLIP — HEADS OVERTURNS IT, TAILS IT STANDS. 48-HOUR PROTEST WINDOW.
The System would like to draw your attention to the second sentence of that effect.
It requires a coin flip.
This was not an accident. Nothing in this memo is an accident.
ADDITIONAL DISBURSEMENT. One Common for the win: A Chip Stacked on Its Edge. +2 pts in one week of your choosing, declared by Wednesday noon. It has not fallen. It does not appear to be planning to.
INVENTORY (UNUSED). Sticky note. Comp ticket. Participation trophy, moderately cursed. Parlay slip, still damp. Photo-Finish Ticket. Chip. Memo. Seven items. The heaviest pack in the Dungeon belongs to the only crawler who has never needed to open it.
ACTION ITEMS.
1. Week 6: Dani. 0-5. In the Pit. −3 from Floor 3 before a puck drops.
2. Pick a Race and a Class by Friday.
3. Flip the coin.
Item 3 is optional. It has been optional for five weeks.
Regards,
The System
RE: RE: RE: Q1 Results
From: The Ring
[This message could not be displayed.]