OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF THE SYSTEM REGARDING WEEK 4
(Read aloud. Questions at the end.)
I want to be clear about what happened in Week 4, because there has been some confusion, and most of it has been coming from Jake.
Jake scored 220.8. The top score of the week. Four Avalanche players, the Floor 2 bonus, and a roster that played like it had been personally blessed, which, in fairness, it had. He blessed it. I watched him do it.
I scored 169.0.
The math on that is not complicated. The System is not disputing the math. The System built the math.
System Notice RESULT: L. MARGIN: 51.8. RECORD: 2-2. RANK: 5TH.
System Notice RESULT: L.
I would like to point out that 169.0 is a perfectly respectable score. It would have beaten Kyle. It would have beaten Dani. It would have beaten Vicky by sixty-three points, and Vicky raised half of this league, so that is not nothing.
It did not beat Jake. I accept this. The System accepts outcomes. That is what the System is for.
Questions.
“Did you lose?”
The System experienced a non-winning outcome against a crawler who scored 220.8.
“So you lost.”
Next question.
“Why is your achievement broken?”
It is not broken. Achievements are filed automatically when a crawler does something noteworthy. On Monday morning the Dungeon attempted to file one for me and returned the following:
System Notice ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: [ACHIEVEMENT NOT FOUND]. ERR: NO TEMPLATE EXISTS FOR THIS OUTCOME. REQUESTED: SYSTEM_LOSS. PLEASE CONTACT THE SYSTEM.
I am the System. I have been contacted. I am looking into it.
It is a template issue. I wrote every template in this Dungeon myself, by hand, before the draft. I wrote one for a hat trick. I wrote one for a goalie pulled twice in the same night. I wrote one for Kyle, specifically, in case of a photograph. I did not write one for this, because I did not think I would need one. That is not a bug. That is confidence.
The frog is still on the shelf. Rat Trophy. Red Pen. Frog. I moved the frog a quarter inch to the left on Monday to make room for whatever comes next. There is a small empty space on the shelf now. It is fine. Shelves have empty spaces.
Kelsey lost too, by the way. To Matt, by 0.4. Dinner was quiet. Neither of us brought up last week’s 0.3. Neither of us needed to.
Week 5: Mike. The bear. 1-3, and he walks through walls.
The System is fine. The System did not lose.
The System did not lose a single week in the Mucus Swamps that it did not choose to lose, and the record will reflect that once the record has been reviewed.