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Week 3 is processed. The Mucus Swamps of Mild Inconvenience have claimed their first victim. The Pit is open. The System is in a good mood. These facts are related.

Results

• Steven 195.7 def. Dani 152.1 (week high, effort not detected)
• Kelsey 195.4 def. Mike 130.3 (largest margin of the week: 65.1)
• Jake 190.1 def. Kayla 149.3
• Matt 188.1 def. Blake 156.9
• Vicky 176.5 def. Kyle 160.9 (first win of the season)

Floor 2 Report

Every eligible crawler set a full lineup by Thursday lock and collected the +2. Nine of nine. No empty slots, no penalties. The System is impressed and slightly disappointed. The System built a penalty and nobody stepped in it. Floor 2 runs one more week. The +2 and the −2 are both still live.

Standings

• 3-0: Matt (515.1), Kelsey (513.9)
• 2-1: Jake (560.1), Steven (529.0), Kayla (452.3)
• 1-2: Vicky (524.3), Kyle (430.4), Mike (393.3)
• 0-3: Blake (389.9), Dani (374.1)

Matt leads the Dungeon by 1.2 points and has still never flipped the coin. Jake has the most points in the Dungeon and is third. The System has reviewed both situations and declines to comment further.

Loot Drops

Every matchup winner receives one Common item: +2 pts in one week of your choosing, declared to the Commissioner by Wednesday noon. Inventories are visible in the Crawler Companion.

• Kelsey — Swamp-Rated Antiseptic (Unopened)
• Matt — Waterlogged Parlay Slip That Somehow Hit
• Jake — Holy Water, Swamp Vintage
• Vicky — The Good Tupperware (her first item of the season)
• Steven — A Small Gilded Frog (Commemorative) (trophy only, no effect — the System has no benefits)

Item usage across the entire league after three weeks: zero. Every item ever dropped is still sitting in a pack. One of them is a Celestial Boon. One of them is a Vial of Concentrated Winning that has been corked since July. The System is not hinting. The System is stating, again, louder.

Achievements

• Steven — The System Does Not Sweat
• Kelsey — Unblemished
• Matt — Unblemished
• Vicky — Finally, Someone Listened
• Mike — Groundhog Week
• Dani — Wrong Night, Wrong Opponent

The Pit Is Open

The last-place crawler after Week 3 is Dani, 0-3, 15.8 points behind Blake. Her punishment for Week 4: Something Has Been Locked. The System has locked her goalie slot. She cannot move, drop, or bench that player this week. The System could have locked something worse. The System would like that remembered.

Escape clause: the moment she is no longer in last place, the punishment ends. The Pit does not hold grudges. It simply waits. Blake, you are the next name on its list. You know the number.

Week 4 — Floor 2 Continues

• Steven vs. Jake
• Kelsey vs. Matt (3-0 vs. 3-0 — someone’s record breaks this week)
• Blake vs. Vicky
• Kayla vs. Mike
• Dani vs. Kyle (Dani in the Pit)

Reminders

• Loot declarations: Wednesday noon. Tell the Commissioner. The Commissioner does the rest.
• Matt: the coin flip is declared before your first game. You know this. The Ring knows you know this.
• Race & Class: picks are due before Week 6 begins. Read Section VIII of the rulebook. If you don’t choose, the System will choose for you, publicly, based on its assessment of your personality. It will be accurate.
• Floor 3 is coming. The Hall of Mirrored Failures opens in Week 5. The System suggests not being in last place when it does.

— The System

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